What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
