I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
