If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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