I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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