i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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