Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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