i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
