i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
