I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize