There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize