I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
