i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you made out with another girl for some wings
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
