So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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