Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I love having hate sex.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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