when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
