I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
