I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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