Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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