So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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