Where is the hickey?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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