When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
