The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
