Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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