i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
