when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
