i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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