What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
being pregnant is like rehab
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
