Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
