How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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