you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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