I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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