At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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