she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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