Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
