I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
