meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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