my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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