Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
