if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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