So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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