When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
