if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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