You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
