I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
