there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
