I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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