I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
