I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
