there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
