Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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