First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
