remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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