I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so let's talk penis.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
