im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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