come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
