i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
