So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
