he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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