I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Are we in a gay sports bar?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
