I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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