lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
