Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup