I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers