I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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