Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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