I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
