Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
