I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
did i just pee glitter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
