I think my vagina is haunted
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
