thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
