i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
