When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize