We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
