i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
