youre lurking in front of me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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