I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
