those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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