Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
