I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
