i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
