this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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