why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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